Japanese Toilet Revisited

The westerner`s first impression of toilet-related hygiene in Japan will vary from overpowering awe (when confronted with the high-tech ウォシュレット, woshuretto) to unpleasant dismay (when confronted with the squat toilet 和式, washiki). Now, having lived in Nicaragua, I felt no fear when I stood before the Japanese squat toilet for the first time. I was, however, astonished at the sheer number of squatties in this advanced nation. Squatties are to be found in many establishments like restaurants, government buildings, schools. Often a bathroom has one western-style flush toilet and the rest are squatties. BUT: I have come to cherish the squatty in my few short months here. Why? The convenience. The speed. No contact, just a quick hello and goodbye. You can imagine. But what you cant imagine without my help is the more advanced Japanese toilet. For those of you who are interested (which must be all of you since you are clearly still reading)let me explain the wonders of the woshuretto.

The ウォシュレット is listed in the Guiness Book of World Records as the most sophisticated toilet in the world. My good friend Wikipedia can tell it better than I ever could:

While the toilet looks like a Western-style toilet at first glance, there are a number of additional features, such as blow dryer, seat heating, massage options, water jet adjustments, water temperature adjustments, automatic lid opening, auto flushing, wireless control panels, etc, included either as part of the toilet or in the seat. These features can be accessed by a control panel that is either attached to one side of the seat or on a wall nearby, often transmitting the commands wirelessly to the toilet seat... Some toilets play music to relax the user... Also, the latest models store the times of the use of the toilet, and have a power saving mode that heats up the toilet seat only during times when the toilet is likely to be used based on the collected usage data. Some toilets also glow in the dark or may even have air conditioning for hot summer days...Recently, researchers have added medical sensors into these toilets, which can measure the blood sugar based on the urine, and also measure the pulse, blood pressure, and the body fat content of the user. Talking toilets that greet the user have also started to be made. Other measurements are currently being researched. This data may automatically be sent to a doctor through a built-in internet-capable cellular telephone.

Woah! FEEL THE FEAR. The toilet that played God is back, this time with an internet-capable cellphone.

The first question that entered my mind when I read this was: how many people really want a toilet that talks to them? I mean, what might a toilet have to chat about, indeed? Whats up man! Corn for lunch again, eh?

Most high-tech potties aren`t as high tech as THAT, but it is completely normal here in Japan to find a confusing control panel covered in buttons and pictures on your potty in a restaurant or hotel, and to find a heated seat (which i find most unpleasant since its already a million degrees here), not to mention the ever-frightening Sound Princess.

THE SOUND PRINCESS
It sounds foreboding, doesnt it? This could more simply be referred to as `that fake flushing noise`. I will dedicate some Wikipedia space to her as well:

Many Japanese women are embarrassed at the thought of being heard by others during urination... To cover the sound of bodily functions, many women flushed public toilets continuously while using them, wasting a large amount of water in the process. As education campaigns did not stop this practice, a device was introduced in the 1980s that, after activation, produces the sound of flushing water without the need for actual flushing. One brand name commonly found is the Otohime (音姫), which literally means Sound Princess, and is named after the Japanese goddess Otohime, the beautiful daughter of the sea-king Ryujin. This device is now routinely placed in most new public women's rooms... The device creates a loud flushing sound similar to a toilet being flushed. This sound either stops after a preset time or can be halted through a second press on the button. It is estimated that this saves up to 20 liters of water per use.

As you can see, Japanese women are a lot more serious than us when it comes to pee. If we could get serious like this, maybe we could manage to jack up production rates to Japanese levels. You never know where correlations lie.

Anyway, these fake flushing noises will get you everywhere. They totally freaked me out at first, since lots of them are automatic. And they are LOUD. I thought Id been hit by an earthquake when I first met Ryujins daughter at the hotel in Tokyo. Practically jumped right off the seat.

A last word to the wise from my friend Wiki (on the subject of the floundering gaijin):

Both the traditional squat toilet and the high-tech toilet are a source of confusion for foreigners unaccustomed to these devices. There are numerous reports of foreigners using a toilet, and randomly pressing buttons on the control panel either out of curiosity or in search for the flushing control, and suddenly to their horror receiving a jet of water... Many Japanese toilets now feature a brief manual in English attached near the control panel or have the buttons written in English to reduce the culture shock.

Good luck to you all! Dont let this stop you from coming to visit me!