SPOTTED! Last night, a rare species of Okinawan satoukibi panda (left) was spotted in Nishihara. These sugarcane pandas have long been thought extinct. Said panda was found in a local gaijin's living room at 9pm Friday night. It seems that Ms. Holbrow (the gaijin in question) has been obsessed with the sugarcane panda for several years now. Last week she hired Mr. Jeff, an American environmentalist and Fulbright scholar (hands below), to help her lure one of the rare species into her home. 
The panda entered the house through the front door, allegedly drawn to the combined scent of popcorn, vanilla-honey-apple cider, and freshly cut raw sugarcane that Mr. Jeff had prepared as bate. The Okinawan police arrived minutes later and attempted to appropriate the panda, planning for immediate release back into the sugarcane fields. Unfortunately, in their few short minutes together, Ms. Holbrow and Panda Gabe (who was making eyes at her through out the night) had fallen madly in love. 
Ms. Holbrow was no longer to be reasoned with, seeming to have lost all capacity for human speech. Her only response to reporters' questions was to suck merrily away on her sugarcane and shout repeatedly, "i wish i had a million dollars, ホットドグ (hotdog)!" (the mating cry of the satoukibi panda).Police, working together with local environmental groups, have developed a plan for the pair. Ms. Holbrow and Panda Gabe will be relocated to the local 動物園 (zoo), where since they are considered a non-aggressive species, the two will be kept in a walk-through petting exhibit that will attempt to reduplicate a combination of their natural habitats (tatami floors and sugarcane). Local officials admit that when alls said and done, Ms. Holbrow and Panda Gabe make an awfully cute couple. When asked whether he minded that the last surviving sugarcane panda was planning to mate with a gaijin, he replied that half of Okinawa had already chosen to do so, and he didn't see why the panda ought not to have his fair go at it as well.
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